


Minuscule Bonds

by Shinocchi



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gift Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Other, POV Multiple, Plothole Fill, Pre-Canon, commission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wilhelm was born in a prestigious family, one that was undeniably ranked as one of the most prominents in the whole of Germany. He was intelligent, charming; he was a son every other parent would be proud for. </p><p>But the only thing that he came to truly cherish was his brother, Theo, who ultimately became his personification of hope.</p><p>Plothole-fill story from between the day Noiz was born up to when he left and returned to his home in Germany, with Theo playing the most important role in the plot.</p><p>Commissioned by <a href="http://obsessivedino.tumblr.com/">Ink</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Minuscule Bonds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ink_Completion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_Completion/gifts).



> First of all, I'd like to thank [Ink](http://obsessivedino.tumblr.com/) for giving me this opportunity to write this beautiful plothole-fill story :') The relationship between Noiz and Theo is absolutely stunning and I've had a lot of emotional rollercoasters going around when I wrote this story.
> 
> Also, Happy Birthday once again and I hope you love this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> A lot of the HCs belonged to Ink and if you would like to see your stories taking a form, feel free to check out my [commission details](http://shinocchidesu.tumblr.com/post/126655333897/writing-commission-details)! Highly appreciated <3
> 
> Thank you so, so much for commissioning me :')

The loud crying reverberated throughout the once-quiet room, trouncing the sense of realism into every living being in that very space. The boy was small when he was born, an average size nonetheless. But while the surgeon held him in his arms, he felt minuscule, as if a tiny budge alone was enough to eradicate the entire of his existence. While the newborn was handed to his mother - still crying and struggling, completely new to the world, utterly new to his life – she released a relieved sigh, holding her very first son in her arms, fingers gently stroking his delicate forehead before she leaned in for a kiss. Surprisingly, the baby stopped crying and let out soft yawns instead, as if he suddenly found a place to belong – one that he deemed to be the safest.

At that moment in time, she thought she was the luckiest person in the world – that having this child meant giving her life an instantaneous turn into a positive direction. She liked to believe that whatever that was to happen from now on would be an honored journey of hers. As she caressed the back of her son’s head, she whispered, right by his ear:

“Welcome to the world, my child.”

The family was delighted. The heritage this child was born into was none other but one that was very exceptional; a family that stood on top of the authority ladder as one of Germany’s most influential families. The boy was lucky, or at the very least, should consider himself fortunate. He didn’t chose to be born here, but a sophisticated spirit had decided to send him here and there _must_ be a reason why he belonged here. But, as a barely one-year-old baby then, he would never understand. He laid serenely in his mother’s arms, snoring quietly as people after people came up to them, gawped at him, and complimented about how dazzling his very features looked like. They said he looked like the finest child in the nation, that he’d definitely grow to become one of the best men in the country – just like his family.

Every time someone was to come over, they would pat his head, smile at him, then look at the parents of that very child, repeating praises after praises, until one of them – a young-looking man who looked as if he was still unripe in the high-ranked society this very fête party was held – came up to the pair of couple and, like the others, patted the child on the head before he asked,

“What is his name?”

The mother’s smile brightened. She rocked the baby lightly in her arms, humming melodies that the young man didn’t know that rhythm of, until she came to a stop and returned the man’s smile with a tender one of her own.

“His name is Wilhelm.”

“Wow, what a lovely name!” the man grinned. His eyes shifting back to the baby, he asked again, “Is there a reason why he’s named as such?”

It sounded like a forbidden question. For the entire time in the party, everyone was so engrossed in showering the new parents with admirations and sweet nothings that none of them bothered to say more than a “Congratulations” or a “He’s a beautiful child.” But this man stepped out of the boundaries. He didn’t seem like he’d noticed what he had done either. While every pair of eyes was on him, he continued stroking the baby’s cheek, who had woke up and staring unblinkingly at him. There was no distinct definition of what was right and what was wrong in this society, especially not in this part of the social class. The person with a higher authority owned the power to decide that. This part of the world was all about reputation, about approval and about everything that one needed to take in order to protect the family’s name.

But this time, it seemed that the man had hit the right spot.

The person that brought him the answer later was the baby’s father, who cleared his throat, wrapped a hand around his wife’s shoulders, before he prudently picked up his son’s small, fragile hand.

“’Wilhelm’ means ‘determination to protect’, and by that, I want him,” he paused, budged his gaze to his son and let out a satisfactory grin when he noticed that his son was now gazing at him while he spoke. “to possess the determination to protect our family name, or better, to bring our reputation to the next level.”

A short stretched of silence later, the space resounded in loud clapping and cheering waves. In this very society, everything the higher authority said was absolute; every reasoning the higher influential person spoke of was nothing but ‘truth’.

No one would ever want to disagree, let alone rubbed the wrong way of this very person who hold the most supremacy to their economy and reputation chain. It was a day that was supposed to be celebrated, for a new life had been brought into the world. But it was also a day many of Germany’s higher ranking families realized that their statuses had been placed in a brutal state.

The man was right – Wilhelm’s birth changed things. He wasn’t just another child that was brought into the world but any other parents. Beneath the smiles of this very couple was another hidden layer of profounder motive. And despite whether Wilhelm liked it or not, he was instantly placed in a hypercritical world – a world of survival of the fittest.

And that, was the true meaning of his existence – one that had been branded and predestined ever since he was born.

 

Wilhelm was one of the brightest sons any other parent would be unconditionally proud of. He was intelligent, he was charming; he was the perfect definition of a son his parents ever wanted. Upon reaching his two years old, Wilhelm had portrayed extraordinarily high astuteness that often had his parents praising and patting him on the back with vast smiles on their faces. He picked skills up fast, and he showed everything he felt in his expression that did nothing but further intensify the endearment in everyone who had come in contact with him. He liked spending time by himself, but at the same time, he would find himself taking thoughtful steps towards anyone he could come in contact with, either pulling gently on the hems of their shirt or simply following them around mindlessly.

He loved nature. Outdoor activities were his favorite. Every time when they were to head out for a family trip, they would find Wilhelm pressing his tiny hands against the car window, glancing elatedly as scenes outside flashed past them in tremendous speed. He was used to the confinement which he knew was a result of solemn contemplation by his parents. He’d gone through strict family lessons and luxurious treats. But at the end of the day, he was a boy who had yet to know anything about the world. All that he could see from his naked eyes were premium treatments that he could do nothing but swallow. It didn’t take too long for him to realize that this was the life he was living in, that he wouldn’t have any voice but to accept everything that was showered upon him.

He had sufficient food, a lavish roof to stay under, and high-class clothing that he found himself wearing from the moment he woke up to the time he went to bed.

If there was ever one thing that he had any complaints about, at all, was the fact that he found himself being tugged all over the place, as if there was a heavy burden being placed on his shoulders that he had no choice but to obey. And if he was to stagger his steps for even just a bit, he’d find himself slowing down, find hypercritical gazes fixed on him, as if he’d just committed the worst sin in the entire world.

He disliked that feeling – he detested being glared at, being reprimanded, he disliked feeling as if he was unaccepted. So, at the end of the day, he found himself submitting to whatever that was thrown upon him, following the trails that were paved in front of him.

And for a two-year-old boy, nothing was worth more than being patted on the head and being complimented as ‘a good boy’.

 

He had been doing tremendously well, flawlessly portraying great sense of stoutness even when he was being placed under firm scrutiny in absolutely everything he did. The whole of his parents’ attention was on him. He thought this was everything he needed, that there was nothing that would worth more than the way his parents had been spoiling him. He thought he should be okay with it.

Then, he welcomed a new member in the family.

They told him that his name was ‘Theodor’ and that he was his ‘brother’. He didn’t know how having a brother felt then. Was he someone who would fight with him? Was he someone who would follow him around?

Was he someone he could talk to?

The first time he saw his brother was in his mother’s arms. While his mother told him about how this was how it was like too when she first held him in her arms, he could only blink, extending a short limb towards his ‘brother’, where his index finger was immediately clutched by his brother’s tiny hand.

He was about to draw back, fearing about what was going to happen but his mother’s ‘Shh, let him’ halted his intention as he stared amusingly at the way his brother was still peacefully asleep, the clasp on his finger remained strong. He looked so fragile, so… tiny. But yet, he was holding onto his finger like his entire life depended on it.

On that day, Wilhelm told himself that _this_ would perhaps be the end of the disconnection he’d felt within himself for a while now – between himself and his family.

He loved his brother. Every day, without fail, he’d find himself sneaking his way into his parents’ room, just to catch a glimpse of his tiny sibling sleeping in the cradle. He’d rock it gently, cautiously, just to make sure that he won’t accidentally wake the baby up. Every so often, though, he’d find himself staring at a baby who was wide awake when he sneaked into the room. At first, he didn’t know what to do. Too frightened to even go near upon realizing that he was being stared at, he stood at a distance, gawking as the baby returned his gaze with a wavering stare. He was afraid that the baby would cry. He’d come to learn that making a baby – his brother, nonetheless – cry was something like a dreadful fault to commit. He’d be safe if he stayed his distance. He just needed to check his brother out after all. He’d leave after that. Just for a bit.

His brother let out a soft laugh, catching him completely off guard. He’d never heard of him _laughing_ like that before. The voice was angelic, every tone trundled right into his heart and settled lovingly on it. He’d never felt like this before. His heart picked up speed. The baby’s giggle seemed to have worked as the best indication for him to go nearer as he took vigilant paces towards the cradle, then finally coming face to face with the baby.

He was wearing a sweet expression on his face when their eyes met each other. He didn’t know how to respond. Still feeling a bit uncertain, he reached his arm out, into the cradle, intending to stroke the baby’s face but found his brother gripping his finger instead, the same way he did when he first saw him in his mother’s arms.

Wilhelm held his breath, too fearful to move even an inch. Theo started to make small voices then, in a language Wilhelm cannot understand. His heart pounded faster beneath his chest with every passing second. Swallowing down his throat, he pushed his hand further, caressing the baby’s soft, smooth cheek before he cracked into a smile.

“Hello, Theo. My name is Wilhelm. Let’s be good friends.”

At that time, he had yet to know what it meant to be ‘brothers’. He only knew of ‘friends’, who he deemed are people who he could hang out with.

He had yet to know that being brothers meant being attached for life.

 

He was by Theo’s side the entire time when he grew. Witnessing the growth of another individual was… a surreal experience of its own. He didn’t know much about it himself, but as the once-baby started to grow steadily, he found himself spending more time by his side. They didn’t do much. Most of the time though, it’d be the baby who would crawl his way towards him while he sat in the room, fondling with his own bunny plush. Whenever Theo saw him, he’d give out a joyful sound, then before he knew it, his brother would rush his way towards him, as if he’d detected a treasure of some sort. Then, while he attempted to figure out what to do next, Theo would already be launching himself into Wilhelm’s laps, gazing up at him with unmistakable enthusiasm in his eyes as he shot a bright smile in his direction.

It was everything Wilhelm needed. Before Theo’s existence in his life, he’d been engulfed with misery and strict rules that often made him feel as if he was being strangled at all times. But Theo’s presence had painted a new layer of fresh air onto his once dull lifestyle. It was something he didn’t know he needed. He was grateful for Theo. It was because of him that he learned how to smile, as lustrously as his brother.

His parents had mentioned that Theo was astoundingly attached to his brother, which was a great thing in its own way. As both of them grew across the years, their bond only became greater. They were seen to be together at most times, when they would often spend time in their studies, or in the garden; practically everywhere. Wilhelm did most of the talking, while Theo – who had yet to learn how to speak in his early years – would stare at his brother, eyes filled with distinct admiration. It was how Wilhelm was able to draw adorable laughter out of his brother that had made him feel as if he was properly living for once; that he finally found a friend for himself, and that he finally knew how to truly be happy.

Every now and then, they’d walk, hand-in-hand, along the corridors, going on their very own ‘adventures’ as they opened doors after doors in their enormous house. From time to time, they’d find themselves venturing out of the compound, into the wide field outside their house and chased after butterflies. Most of the times, though, they’d find themselves in their room, taking lessons after lessons. They spent their routines together – they ate together, bathed together, and even slept together in the same room after Theo wept when their parents attempted to separate them during bed time.

They were practically like shadows to each other.

Wilhelm thought that this was all he ever needed. Now that Theo was in his life, he felt more secured. Perhaps this was how having a brother felt like. A brother was more than just another friend, he’d come to that conclusion when both of them cuddled under the blankets, hugging each other to sleep on one fine, cold night.

You never knew when a friend would leave you. But a brother – they stayed with you for life.

 

He thought he’d be able to overcome anything as long as he had his brother by his side; or so he thought.

As Wilhelm grew, he’d come to make friends, often people from the same prestigious families he was in. He’d learn how to interact with them, and across time, he’d learn how playing with other people felt like. It started slow, but eventually, when invitations came for him to join the others in a game, he’d accept it. Everyone was nice to him.

He didn’t know how it happened either. He thought that he was simply doing it the same way as how others did to him. But before he knew it, the other boy was sitting on the floor, blood spilling from his knees from where Wilhelm had pushed him earlier. He didn’t know what happened. He could only stare when other people ran to the crying boy for rescue, occasionally giving him disgusted look at the same time.

He _hated_ it. It was an expression he’d found himself detesting ever since he was young. He never thought he’d see it again.

He didn’t even know what he did wrong. All he knew was, the parents of the other boy had confronted _his_ parents then, telling them about how disobedient and how _violent_ he was.

 _He didn’t even know what went wrong_.

It was just a _game_.

But when his parents took him into their room and gave him a severe session of tickings-off, he knew that it was not just a game. He went over the board. But he couldn’t understand how it happened.

He didn’t know what he did wrong.

On that night, he curled himself in bed, burying his head in the pillow as he thought to himself, over and over again. He couldn’t fix the problem if he didn’t know what was wrong with it. He couldn’t figure out the solution and it was making him feel worse with every passing second.

It was when he felt a small hand against his face that he opened his eyes, just to be greeted by Theo, who was wearing a concerned expression on his face then.

At that time, Wilhelm was five, Theo was three.

“Brother, are you okay?” Theo asked, his small palm pressed against Wilhelm’s face. He wasn’t crying, but he was obviously upset. And Theo must have noticed it as well.

He nodded. Theo’s presence comforted him. Slowly sitting up, he took Theo’s hand in his, holding it as how he always did.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. But it did nothing to make Theo feel better.

“Did someone bully you?”

Theo didn’t know what happened. Even if Wilhelm wanted to tell him, he didn’t know how to start. So he simply shook his head, then trying to push up a very forced smile at his brother.

“I’m okay,” he repeated, for the lack of better things to say.

Theo seemed like he didn’t know what else he could do as well. Inching closer towards Wilhelm, he leaned his head against his brother’s shoulder, then hugging the whole of his brother’s body with both arms.

“I’ll protect you!” he said, eliciting a chuckle out of Wilhelm.

At the end of the day, he still couldn’t understand what had gone wrong, but he felt less dismayed than before now. Friends would leave him, but his brother would never.

 

Ever since that time, he started distancing himself from other people. His parents didn’t seem like they had any objections towards this sudden change of behavior either. This was better, he thought. Coming into contact with other people would only cause more troubles. He didn’t need anything else anyway; he only needed his brother.

So they spent more time together. But little did he know that it was just a prelude to another round of storm.

They were used to playing in the garden together. This time, while they chased after each other, Wilhelm fell – a heavy thud, in fact – and finding his face landing straight on the ground. Theo ran frantically towards him, supporting him up just to see his knees covered in blood.

“Brother!” he exclaimed. He was almost crying but Noiz, though, merely displayed an expression as if nothing had gone wrong.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Theo was already sobbing then. As he looked at where Theo was pointing at, he only let out a small ‘ah’ before he stood up again, almost losing balance as his brother quickly supported him on the arm.

“Doctor!” His brother had cried. But Wilhelm just shook his head, a smile lifted from the corners of his lips.

“Why?” he asked his brother.

“Huh?”

He wanted to play more. He hadn’t been out for quite some time already. And he didn’t want this unnecessary disturbance to ruin his plan. But Theo kept shaking his head, then, the next thing he knew, he was being hauled back to the house.

“Mother!” Theo’s words were short. He was visibly in shock, for reasons Wilhelm didn’t know. But he followed him nevertheless. When they finally found their mother though, Wilhelm struggled out of Theo’s grasp, ran straight right up to their mom and raised his bloodied hands up.

“Mother!” he called, his smile still intact, as if he was showing something absolutely fascinating. But his mother’s expression told him otherwise. She stared, wide-eyed, at his hands, then at the crying Theo, before he carried Wilhelm up and rushed towards the room.

“What have you been doing?” she said. She didn’t sound too angry; in fact, she sounded more bothered than anything else. Wilhelm was confused. Why is everyone making such a big fuss? It’s just a cut. There shouldn’t be anything to be exaggerated over.

But the day’s occurrence changed things. Before he knew it, he wasn’t allowed out of the house anymore, scrapping the freedom off him as he spent most of the days in the house instead, most of the time in his room.

He didn’t know what happened. All he knew was that, all of a sudden, many people that looked like professionals – or more like doctors – had started visiting him once a while. He didn’t particularly dislike it; he was more irked by the reason behind it. What was wrong with him? He was healthy as far as he could remember.

He was in the dark for a very, very long time – until one day when he overheard his parents over his sleep. They spoke very quietly, but every single word reached his ears, loud and clear.

“How did this happen…If this is how it’ll be, maybe it’d be better if we never let him out now.”

“He’s ruined our family reputation. It’ll be our shame forever. It would be better if he was never born.”

“You don’t have to go that far…”

“Even you didn’t want to let him out, no?”

“Yeah, but…”

The ‘pain’ was worse than anything he’d felt in his life.

Ah, so that was what it was. He couldn’t feel it; he couldn’t feel ‘pain’. That was why he was being stared at with such a repulsed gaze. That was why people was calling him ‘monster’ and ‘gross’ behind his back.

That was why he had let the family down – because he was _abnormal_.

 

Two weeks after he got to know that he wasn’t very much accepted in his own family, he found himself facing yet another traumatizing hurdle that immediately sucked all the positivity out of his soul. It was one fine day when he was woken up by his mother, who gave him the same smile he had come to know. But when she urged him up, her tone immediately gave her out – it lacked warmth, and above all, it possessed a hint of reluctance that told Wilhelm that whatever that was to happen next would not be very pleasant. Regardless, he did what he was told; dressed like usual, got himself ready as usual, and ate his breakfast as usual. But something was wrong; something was missing –

 -- Theo.

He didn’t dare to ask too much. He’d noticed Theo’s absence the moment they walked into the dining hall but the tricky situation he was in banned him from questioning too much, especially not when his mind was occupied by various speculations of what was to happen. He’d come to know that he wasn’t needed anymore, now he wanted to know what his very family would do to a son who was no longer desirable.

When they were done with eating, his father stood up first. Walking towards him, he stared, expression stern before he walked out of the room, leaving Wilhelm and his mother, alongside a few maids in the hall.

“Come,” the mother spoke, voice small, as she stretched a hand towards Wilhelm.

Her hand was cold. So as the atmosphere as they walked down the corridor. Every footstep felt heavy, every breath felt smothering. They were walking towards a direction Wilhelm wasn’t familiar with. And after a few minutes of walking, they came to the end of one corridor which Wilhelm hadn’t gotten the chance to explore.

His father was already standing in front of a door to which the room Wilhelm didn’t remember exist. He vaguely remembered the brash construction resonances he’d heard throughout the past two weeks. And now that he was practically standing in front of this very new room, all of a sudden, the reality fell upon him – _this_ was what was going to happen.

As if answering the thoughts in his head, the door of the room was opened, revealing an entirely new space – small, but neat. There was a bed in one corner of the room, not as big as the one that was in Wilhelm’s room but just nice to accommodate his body size. A table was placed in the center of the room, and in another corner, was a pile of what seemed like plushies and a mixture of other toys.

His body felt cold, his mind blank. He already knew what was going to happen. His hand shivered a tad when his mother brought him into the room, and he could only stare vacuously when he was seated on the chair, facing both of his parents.

“This would be your room from today onwards.” His father’s voice was emotionless, more impassive than Wilhelm remembered it to be. He wanted to say something – protestations – but his words stuck in his throat before he could even open his mouth.

“You’ll be doing everything here from now onwards,” his father continued, giving no attention at all to what Wilhelm’s opinions could be. He shifted his gaze to his mother, who had looked away, visibly averting his gaze.

He was literally left alone, with no one to depend on.

Ultimately, he lowered his head. It was no use. No matter what he was to do or say, he could never disobey his parents. He couldn’t remember much about what happened later. His father said more things, probably things that he had been overhearing since weeks ago. And then, when he finally snapped back to his senses, his parents had walked out of the room. It was the clicking sound on the doorknob, one indication that he was locked in once and for all, that had him stood up from the chair and dashed his way towards the door.

“Father! Mother!” he screamed, his hands pounding heatedly against the door. “Let me out! Don’t do this!”

He wasn’t even sure if his parents were still outside the door but he screamed. He screamed and screamed and screamed. Tears flowed from his eyes, his hands hitting over and over again on the door, his throat sore from the shouting. He begged, cried, screeched for a few hours, until he was bleeding on the hands and had completely lost his voice that he sank, leaning against the door as he hugged his knees and buried his face against them.

At that time, Wilhelm was six, Theo was four.

               

How did it feel like to own everything in the world just to be scrapped off all in the next minute? As he pressed the back of his head against the door, eyes staring senselessly at the moonlight shining its way into his room, he found himself pondering about everything that had happened to him. He thought that he had it all – that this was everything he needed. But one condition – one that he couldn’t help, nevertheless – had mercilessly robbed everything off him just like that. He stared at his bloodied hands, carefully rubbing on his wounds and found tears dropping from his eyes again.

 _Why can’t I feel pain?_ was the recurring question he kept asking himself. Why was he different? Why was he _abnormal_? He had no one to blame. There was no one to blame.

He had no solution for this, especially not when his parents had attempted various solutions to cure him. He had no solution to how to get himself off this situation as well. He felt incredibly fragile, physically and mentally. Perhaps he could go to sleep and wake up to find out that everything was merely a nightmare, that when he woke up, he could actually _feel_ and everyone was still his friends and his parents still loved him very much.

Perhaps he could do that.

 

The next time he woke up, he gazed at the ceiling, one that he wasn’t familiar with. It took him a while to return to reality while he stared, the memories from before sank into him bit by bit. He sat up, trying to say something just to realize that his throat was too sore to mutter another word. He looked around again – the space was empty, filled with quietness and only himself. He’d felt isolation before but now that he was physically thrown into this very situation, all he felt was more solitude that it was even asphyxiating to swallow. As he supported himself up, the corners of his eyes caught sight of his hands as his eyes brightened. The wounds from yesterday had dried up, dark metallic red patches coated his hand as he gazed. There were mostly cuts, and he couldn’t tell if his bones were broken, not when he couldn’t feel pain. Based on how he could still move his hands, he assumed that there weren’t too much of a damage after all, except perhaps that crooked finger that he’d spotted on his left hand.

It wasn’t anything too serious after all. He was still alive and that was all that mattered.

He walked towards the door again, pressing his ear against it, attempting to capture the tiniest sound from outside.

“Father? Mother? Theo?” he called out quietly, voice hoarse.

No response.

He looked at the window again. It was dark; he couldn’t tell the time. There was no clock in the room either. He’d lose sense of his world.

Again, he sat against the door, hugging his knees, trying very hard not to cry. Crying won’t help, he told himself. Despite how much he’d shouted and cried earlier, no one came to his help. It was only a waste of energy. So instead, he pressed his eyes against his knees, his brain running him full turbo mode. What else could he do to pull himself off this situation? Or was he going to stay like this for the rest of his life? Confined in his room, peeled off his freedom, with nothing but the plushies in the corner of his room as his talking companion?

“Brother?”

He jerked his head up, instantly turning around. It was _him_ , he could not be wrong about it.

“Brother, are you okay?”

He hadn’t been able to see Theo before he was vehemently pushed into this situation. Hearing his voice now felt as if he’d just discovered a ray of hope he’d been hysterically seeking for.

“Theo…?” he asked softly. And he swore he heard a leap of joy from beyond the door.

“Brother!” Theo was obviously trying to keep his voice down, but there was no mistaking the excitement in his voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he lied. At the very least, he still wanted to maintain his composure as a strong brother in front of the only sibling he had left with now.

“Brother!” Theo didn’t seem like he knew what else he could say either. But that was enough. If he wasn’t able to do anything, he wouldn’t expect his brother, who was two years younger than him, to do anything either.

At least he was here with him now as his company. That was all he needed.

               

At times, he’d still find himself shouting at the door when the seclusion became too hard to bear. But after countless times of being ignored, his emotions became less apparent and he often found himself staring blankly into space before someone knocked on the door. At first, he was thrilled. He thought everything was coming to an end and that someone was finally coming to rescue him from this melancholy. But every time, it resulted in pure disappointment. They were maids, butlers, his home teacher; people who had no blood relations with him. The only time that he’d find himself lifting a genuine smile was when he heard a soft knock, then a small ‘Brother?’. It was always late at night when he would find Theo calling out to him. No matter how worn-out he was to be, he’d stay up and wait. There was no definite confirmation that Theo would come over and see him, but that was the only hope he found himself embracing. Before he knew it, it became the only thing that was holding him together throughout the days.

Whenever Theo called out to him, he would always reply with an ‘I’m fine’, simple just like that. And he knew that was all Theo needed to know. He didn’t know how much did Theo know about his condition, and he was very afraid that his image as his ‘kind, protective brother’ would crumble into dust one day. But that day never came. Theo continued to visit him every day, without fail.

“I saw a very cute rabbit in the garden today!”

Wilhelm was ten; Theo was eight then. It was again, one of those times when they sat, both leaning back to back against the door as Theo led the conversation, bringing his brother through the daily happenings in his house. Wilhelm was never interested in these occurrences. He only cared about Theo.

“Remember the brown one we found some time back? It seems like it found a partner and had a group of babies! They are so adorable!”

Wilhelm wanted so very much to see this for himself. He remembered the brown bunny. He remembered stroking his head with his hand, patting his back as the very rabbit leaned towards him, nuzzling its cheek against his leg. But he hadn’t been out for years. He almost forgot how it felt like to be up and running.

“I hope you would be able to see it one day,” Theo’s voice and dropped a little lower. Then, suddenly, he raised his tone again. “Ah, I’m sorry! I don’t mean it that way!”

Wilhelm remained silent. Lowering his head, he stared at his hands. The finger he found broken on the first day he was locked in here had healed, but the bone was fractured, and he instantly knew that it was a scar that would never heal.

“I can see it,” he replied at long last. “The bunnies are brown, some white. They are very fluffy, right?”

“Yes, they are!” He didn’t even need to look at his brother’s face to know that he was nodding ardently at him now. “They are very tiny but they look exactly like the mother!”

How much different could a rabbit look like, anyway? Wilhelm chuckled soundlessly.

“Brother, when you come out one day, we will go to the zoo again, okay?” Theo said, changing the topic.

The zoo… ah, it was the place he often dropped by whenever he was accused of faults he didn’t know of. There, at the zoo, he’d always lean against the fence, trying to take a glimpse of the bunch of bunnies playing with each other in their huts. He’d often wonder how it felt like to actually being able to _feel_ ; he wondered how these bunnies felt, and if they were the same as him. Seeing the bunnies calmed him down significantly. Even now, when he was locked in this very room that had eventually become his personal castle, he’d find himself hugging his rabbit plushie when he was down, and instantly feeling better when he did that.

He didn’t know when he would be coming out of the room. Maybe never. But he was still allowed to have hope.

“Yeah, let’s do that when I’m out of here,” he said, a smile lifting at the corners of his lips.

“It’s a promise then!”

Perhaps this was what he needed – the trigger that pushed him into making his final decision.

 

* * *

 

He was shocked to come home to an empty room. Being able to see his brother had been his greatest wish on that day ever since he was sent out for extra lessons. But little did he know that while he was absent, his brother was confined, forcefully taken away from him. He didn’t even get to see him for the last time before they were separated by a door.

He was relieved to hear his brother’s voice again. But there were a lot of things that he couldn’t understand: what did his brother do wrong? Why was he locked up? Would they be separated forever?

He’d asked the same questions at his parents for the umpteenth time whenever he gotten the chance. But he’d never gotten his answers. So, the most he could do was to check on his brother every day. As years passed by, he visited is brother daily, without failed, telling him about every single thing that had happened on that day, be it things in the house or things about himself. He loved talking to his brother. He felt as if his brother was the only person who could truly understand him. But, as years passed by, his brother became quieter. He hardly knew what his brother was thinking in the first place, and this just made it worse.

Regardless, he continued talking to him; he continued asking him question, hoping that he could at least help him feel better, even for just a bit.

“When are you letting Brother out again?”

At that time, Wilhelm was eleven, Theo was nine. He’d thrown the question at his parents over the dining table. The parents halted, looking at each other before the mother smiled gently at him.

“One day,” was all she said, which didn’t answer the question at all.

Theo lowered his head, all this appetite gone. Seeing this, the parents looked at each other again before the father started, immediately causing Theo to jerk his head up.

“If you could work harder and be a better person than your Brother to inherit our company, then perhaps we could think about it.”

His eyes brightened. This was it – he _could_ actually do something for his brother. The weight beneath his chest felt lighter. He’d always thought that there was absolutely nothing he could do for his Brother and it bothered him greatly despite the relentless apologies he had been giving his Brother every once in a while.

“I… I’ll work hard!” he said, his voice heightened, filled with unmistakable eagerness.

There was hope, he thought. There was a possibility that he would see his Brother again.

That night, he dashed his way towards his Brother’s room when the clock hit the time of their usual meeting. He needed to tell Wilhelm about this. His Brother would be _thrilled_. He wanted to hear him laugh again, to hear how his voice alleviate when he spoke to him in a very passionate way that never failed to make Theo happy in the same time.

“Brother!” he called out. He heard movements from beyond the door, knowing that his Brother had shifted to meet him. “I’ve got good news!”

He allowed a momentary pause before he started again, too excited to tell Wilhelm.

“You can come out!”

He swore he heard a hitch of breath from behind the door as he pressed his hands against it, attempting to hear _more_ reactions from his Brother.

 “Father and Mother said they would let you out if I could work harder and inherit the company in your place!”

A stretched silence. He had no idea what his Brother was thinking, or what he was doing. He was hoping for a cheerful gasp, or _anything_ that could suggest that Wilhelm was delighted. But instead, all he’d gotten was more silence. Until he heard a loud knock on the door.

 Wilhelm had just punched his hand against the door.

“Why is it always you?” He heard his Brother’s voice. It’d been a long time. But it was nothing like he thought it’d be. It was low, and… _furious_.

“What else can I do for _myself_? Why can’t I do _anything_ for myself?!”

His Brother was obviously exasperated, and Theo had no idea why he was so.

“Brother…” he called out, not knowing what else he could say. He thought the news would make him happy. But it seemed to have created an opposite effect instead. He didn’t know what was in his Brother’s mind. He didn’t know how his Brother had been feeling all this while. He didn’t know _anything_ about his Brother. Not being able to see each other for _years_ had slowly but surely taken the recognition away from them. It hurt him, and he knew it hurt Wilhelm too.

Pressing his palm against the wooden door, he felt tears gathered in his eyes, his nose sore.

“Brother, please…” he said, voice shivering. “Let me do something for you…”

His Brother remained silent.

He knew _nothing_ about his Brother after all.

 

From then onwards, he had absolutely no idea of how he could confront his Brother. He thought his Brother hated him, the ‘Why is it always _you_?’ shouting in his head repeating unceasingly whenever he was to come near to his Brother’s room. He didn’t know what and how to talk to him besides constant ‘Sorry’ which he knew served no purpose at all. He had no idea what kind of life Wilhelm was living. He had no idea what type of person he’d grown into now.

He felt like he was losing his Brother.

“Brother…” He returned to his room a month later. He did as what he was told – study hard, work hard, so that one day he could take the initial burden off his Brother’s shoulders and carry it on his own instead. He didn’t know what else he could do but this.

If only he could see his Brother…

“Do you remember that brown rabbit in the garden?” He tried to sound as if nothing had happened, as if everything had gone back to normal. He _wanted_ to talk to his Brother. He couldn’t just brush his existence off just like that especially knowing that his Brother was very much alive, beyond this very door he was leaning against now.

“The babies are all big babies now. I built them a hut to stay in. They have enough food and everything to keep themselves comfortable and safe.” He paused, not knowing how to continue the conversation, or more like, his one-sided discourse. “They are… really cute.” He could feel the snuffles in his throat. Taking a deep breath, he held it in for two seconds, then releasing it before he started again,

“Let’s take a look at them when you come out, okay?”

His Brother never said anything. He didn’t even know if his Brother was listening. Maybe he was busy minding his own business. Maybe he was already sleeping.

Maybe he _really_ hated him after all.

He tried to brush all those thoughts off his mind. Turning around, he pressed his ear against the door, trying to detect any sound at all. It was fine if his Brother refused to talk to him. He just needed to know that he was still alive.

That was all he needed.

His one-sided conversation lasted for a few months. He continued working very hard. Years passed – it was when he was twelve and Wilhelm was fourteen that he finally heard it – _his Brother’s voice_.

“Theo.” It came very brusquely, halfway through when Theo was describing how he’d managed to solve a very complex business problems in half a day.

He came to a stop, instantly forgetting what he was about to say before he turned around uproariously, hands literally pressed against the door as he responded.

“Brother?”

Another strained pause. It was so long that it made Theo feel as if he was simply hallucinating his Brother calling out to him. But a few seconds later…

“I need your help.”

He felt as if every part of his missing souls had returned to him. His Brother rarely spoke to him, let alone asking for help.

He’d do _anything_ for his Brother.

“I’m getting out of here.”

But what his Brother requested of him wasn’t what he expected. He should’ve known, that his Brother wouldn’t sit and wait for things to happen. He should’ve expected his Brother to figure out his own way to make things happen for himself. He should’ve seen this coming, especially how he’d openly pronounced a ‘Why can’t I do anything for _myself_?’ on the day Theo had told him that _he_ could help him out. He was in a state of contradiction, of confusion. He was relieved that his Brother was still who he remembered him to be – strong, determined – but despite still being young, he understood where this decision would lead them to.

“How?” he asked, even though he still held his own reservations. He had been trying the best he could to bring his Brother out. He was _so close_ to achieving it.

But there was no way he could turn his Brother down, not when he was asking for a favor – something he’d never done before – in such a sincere way.

“I have a plan. And I need your help to fill in the gaps.”

He’d do _anything_ for his Brother. Regardless of how he was to do it, as long as it could help his Brother, he was fine with it.

He should be.

 

It took a while for them to formulate a plan. Days stretched to weeks and eventually months. But throughout the time, Theo was overjoyed to hear his Brother’s voice again. Their communication was no longer one-sided, it was a mutual discourse and it was even Wilhelm who had been initiating and leading the conversation most of the time. His Brother was focused, he knew what he was doing, and Theo was even surprised to realize how much thought process he had been putting into this plan to articulate such a detailed runway. The only part that he needed help with was ‘to escape’ and ‘to get out of the room’ and Theo was the only person he’d come in contact with who knew the structure of the house like the back of his hand.

On the day when they were to finally launch their plan, both of them held their breath while Theo fumbled with the doorknob the way his Brother had taught him. He never knew about all these minuscule tricks, and he didn’t know how his Brother knew about it either. But he didn’t want to dishearten his Brother, not when they had already come so far.

 _Just a bit more_ … He knew his Brother was holding his breath too. This was the only chance they had. If it failed, then they’d be falling back into square one all over again.

Finally, it was the small click that he’d heard from the doorknob that had both of them freezing every one of their actions. And, with trembling hands, Theo pushed the door… _open_.

“B-Brother…” he called out soundlessly. There was a man in the room, one who was just a touch taller than him, but one with features that he was so familiar with that tears started falling down his cheeks the moment their eyes made contact.

“It’s been long.” His Brother’s voice was clearer now, and it was deeper than he remembered it to be. It felt dreamlike. He threw his weight on his Brother, completely overwhelmed by the fact of how he’d _finally_ gotten to see his Brother again. Wilhelm returned his hug, embracing him with both his arms before he pulled their distance apart, his eyes spelt of nothing but sternness.

“We need to get going,” he said.

And he was right. There was no time for a reunion, no time to waste. Lifting the luggage that Theo had prepared for him, he allowed Theo to lead the way as they made unobtrusive steps down to the hall, and, as guardedly as they could, out of the house.

“The car is outside,” Theo explained. The night air was cold; it was near winter when Wilhelm made his first step out of his house after being restrained for almost a decade. “It’ll bring you straight to the airport.”

“Thanks.” Just a simple word, but it did things to Theo. “You don’t need to come with me.”

His Brother was everything he imagined him to be. Despite being more grown up now, he still held that very firm determination within him whenever he spoke and his eyes always held that striking gleam whenever they made eye contact.

“Let me.” He shook his head, taking the luggage off his Brother’s hand. “I let you out, I want to see you off as well.”

Perhaps it was the way he’d said it. Because Wilhelm could’ve rejected it and he would have no choice but to stay back.

But he didn’t.

 

The ride to the airport was an agonizingly long one. Despite being so used to talking to his Brother on a daily basis, Theo had no idea of how to even start a simple conversation. He peeked at this Brother from the corner of his eyes, just to see his Brother staring out of the window, seemingly in his own thoughts. This was the first time he’d ever get to see his Brother again after not seeing him for years, but this would also be the last time he’d be able to see his Brother before they were separated.

This time, for real.

He wanted so much to call out to him, to call him ‘Brother’ like how he always did. But the word froze at the tip of his tongue before he could say anything. And at the end, he could only stare at the side profile of his Brother, wondering how a fine man his Brother had turned out to be, and how heartbreaking it was for his Brother to be raided off everything over something he had no control of.

He could never surpass his Brother. If Wilhelm was ‘normal’, he was sure that his Brother would always be the top priority of everyone else. And he was fine with that. He really was. His Brother was intelligent after all. His Brother fought _so hard_. Of course he deserved anything.

What he didn’t deserve – was to be called abnormal and monster by people who had no idea how much anguish he had being going through thanks to something he couldn’t help.

When they reached the airport, they took heavy steps into the space, still averting each other’s gaze, until they stood in front of the departure gate.

“You can go back now.”

This was probably the last time he’d get to hear his Brother’s voice again. His heart twitched. After today, he would no longer need to go to the room where his Brother was confined, he would no longer hear his Brother’s voice –

He would no longer get to feel his Brother’s presence anymore.

“Brother!” With that thoughts devastating his mind, he lurched towards Wilhelm, hugging him in a strong embrace as he buried his face against his shoulder.

He didn’t want to let his Brother go now that he had finally attained freedom.

But, he had no choice.

It was Wilhelm’s decision and he wanted so much to respect it, to embrace it, and to support it.

But…

“I’m sorry.” His Brother’s voice was gentle, his hand when he patted the back of his head as gentle as his tone. “Thank you for everything.”

He didn’t expect things to turn out this way. He wanted to free his Brother, sure. But he wasn’t expecting himself to _lose_ his Brother as the cost of it.

“I’ll be fine.” It was the same phrase that his Brother had _always_ told him – that he would be fine, that he would find a way, that there was no way he could fall. How could someone be so strong even after the horrible circumstances they were put into? How was his Brother so… _strong_?

Wilhelm was fifteen when he left his family, when he left Theo. And Theo was thirteen then, still the kid who knew nothing much about the world but how much he adored his Brother, and how much he wanted him to be safe from every threats in the world.

 

His days were worse than when his Brother was still around. At least when Wilhelm was locked up he’d know that he was still well and alive, despite quiet. But now, with an empty room, he no longer knew if his Brother had made it to his destination in one piece, or what he was doing, or if he was doing everything he sought for. It was destroying him from the inside.

His expression obviously showed everything; his appetite dropped, his smile wasn’t as bright as usual. His parents were furious with Wilhelm’s escape but at the end of the day, they decided not to pursue too much about it, that it was ‘his choice’ for escaping and he’d have to ‘taste the consequences of it for himself’. Theo never understood why his parents would see his Brother as a disgrace despite all the intelligence he had unmistakably portrayed up to the moment he had left. He never wanted to argue too much with his parents, knowing that it’d be pointless anyway. Ever since his Brother’s departure, he became the main and only pillar of support for the family. He was showered with responsibilities, things that he no longer had a reason to shoulder.

His qualms came to an end when he received a message from an unknown number. Just two simple words. Just that alone was managed to change _everything_.

“ _Thank you_.”

He’d never expected it, like how he’d never expected anything his Brother was to do. But he took the initiative to text him, to tell him that he was _safe_ , even though Theo didn’t know if he was completely unharmed.

Being alive was enough, he thought. Being alive meant that there was still hope.

And his hope was to know that his Brother was still out there, somewhere, searching for _his_ hope. His Brother never hated him. And with that realization, he started to send text messages to the unknown number, describing his daily life like how he used to do back then even though most of the times he received absolutely no response at all.

But then, a year passed and his worst nightmare revisited him again. The text messages were bounced back for reasons unknown. Did something happen to his Brother? Did he change his number?

He had no way to figure his answers out until if Wilhelm would willingly contact him. All he could was wait and that alone was anguishing.

               

Five years without Wilhelm made all the differences. While Theo grew to be a fine young man of his own, completely capable of handling business matters and perfectly intelligent and charming, he’d never find himself being genuinely happy as when he’d spent time with his Brother. People he spoke to was in a whole different degree as when he spoke to his Brother. They were mostly small talks, courtesies he had to attend to, and he’d never find the need to share anything more than the necessary with them. He still talked as much as ever, still remained as bubbly as everyone remembered him to be, but the shadiness in one corner of his heart was something that he’d come to acknowledge. He would never stay put until he saw his Brother again, or even _one text message_ , just a simple one to tell him that he was safe was enough to soothe the tension within him.

He tried searching for him; he searched all over the world. But it was a futile effort. If his Brother was serious in hiding his trails from his family, Theo knew that he would do that. He could possibly already changed a name, or even into a new appearance, which made searching for him almost impossible.

But yet, he continued. If there was one thing his Brother had taught him, it was to not give up hope, no matter how dark the situation could be. He would remind himself of the times when Wilhelm was locked up in his room and how he’d spent every day being strong and finally being able to break through this hefty chains his family had forced on him.

His Brother was his role model after all. If it was not because of him, he wouldn’t have agreed to his parent’s suggestion for him to take over his family business.

Then, as snappishly as when the first time he’d received it, Theo almost dropped his Coil when he saw it again – the very same message tone flashing through his screen with very short words, words that were more than enough for all the colors to return to his face.

“ _I’m coming home_.”

Was it his Brother? ‘Home’. Did he still call this place a ‘home’? Why would he come back? Was it _really_ his Brother?

He couldn’t sustain the excitement within him. _When_ would he be back? _How_ would he come back? _What_ should he do?

But the moment he saw _that very shadow_ walked his way pass the huge door of their hall, all the questions were wiped clean off his mind. It was him – _his Brother_.

There was no way for him to control the overpowering emotions surging uncontrollably from within him. He fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands as he wept into it. His Brother was home. It was real – he was _really_ home.

“Hey.” He felt a pair of hands on his shoulder, looking up from his hands just to see his Brother smiling gently at him, a gesture that he’d yearned to see ever since he lost it when they were young. His Brother was back, sure. But he wasn’t physically back, he was also mentally _and_ emotionally back. Something must have happened when he was away. Something, or rather, someone, must have returned his Brother wholly to him.

“W-Welcome home, Brother.” He literally needed to force the words out of his mouth, his voice hoarse.

The corners of Wilhelm’s lips curved higher before he brought him up and hugged Theo firmly in his arms.

“I’m home. Thank you.”

 He didn’t know what to say. As he returned his Brother’s hug, all he could hope for was that this time, he no longer needed to succumb to the dreadful destiny his family had laid out for him. That this time, he would be able to live his life the way he wanted it to be. But above all, what ultimately calmed him down was when he realized that the sole reason his Brother had decided to return to this place where he once deemed as Hell – was him.

 


End file.
